While money issues are a natural topic in romantic relationships – who pays what, how you’ll divide the rent or mortgage, etc. – they can also be a point of contention. For example, maybe you and your partner have found an apartment together and shared the rent… but then your partner is fired and asks you to lend him money “for a month or two”. You might think that’s okay, but several financial experts think you shouldn’t lend money to your significant other anything.

“Lending money, especially to a loved one, can jeopardize your relationship,” Chelsea Hudson, personal finance expert at TopCashback.com, says Bustle. “Even if you love and trust your partner, lending money can lead to other problems, like resentment, tension, and extra debt.

It can start innocently, by only lending them a few dollars. If so, ask yourself if you want to get that money back, says Hudson, like when you cover them for lunch when they forgot their wallet. “Relationships are a give and take, but at what threshold do you decide that your partner should be more financially responsible, ”she says. And, if you then see your partner buying something, like a new pair of shoes, you might be wondering where he got the money to do it. points, emotionally or financially, “says Hudson.” But to avoid pressure, it’s easier to crush the idea of ​​lending money early on. “

Below, Hudson and other silver experts explain why lending money to your partner is not a good idea.


It can put a strain on your relationship

Andrew Zaeh for the commotion

If you’ve ever loaned someone money, you know it’s not easy to ask in return. Well, when that person is someone you’re in a romantic relationship with, it can be even more difficult. And if you live with them, it will probably get even more complicated.

“Often times when money is loaned to your partner, he will assume that because you are in a relationship, he may take his time to return the money to you. ” Karen ford, financial coach and author of Money matters, says Bustle. “Or, they may even take liberties and not reimburse you at all.”

Nate Masterson, CEO of Holistic maple, Okay. “It’s never good for a relationship when one partner has to pressure the other to pay off a loan,” he told Bustle. “Avoiding loaning money to your partner avoids an uncomfortable situation where one partner needs the money but the other partner cannot pay it back – a situation that can cause bad feelings in a relationship.”


It can cause feelings of resentment

Andrew Zaeh for the commotion

As much as you want to help your partner, if you lend him money, you can start to blame them, especially if you see them start spending money on other things before paying you back. “You may resent the idea of ​​lending money,” Lauren Anastasio, Wealth Advisor at SoFi, says Bustle. “Receiving this loan may delay some of your personal financial goals. She says to ask yourself: Is lending money a sign that your partner’s financial goals are more important than yours?

Masterson also thinks that lending your partner money can create resentment. “This is especially true if a partner lent money because he felt he couldn’t say no,” he says. “The lender may feel that the borrower owes them a favor, and the borrower may feel that their partner has lent them money to ‘buy’ gratitude.


It can cause an imbalance in the relationship

Ashley Batz / Agitation

When you owe someone something – anything – it’s not a fun feeling, whether it’s money, time, to review their draft novel, you name it.

“Your significant other may have feelings of shame or inferiority, however free you can lend them money,” says Anastasio. “[A partner who is] depending on you financially could cause an imbalance in your relationship, potentially compromising your ability to feel like equals.


It can cause anxiety

Andrew Zaeh for the commotion

You probably have enough to think about without having to worry about when your significant other reimburse you.

You may have anxiety on being reimbursed, ”says Anastasio. “If your partner can’t pay you back, it could put your own finances at risk. She also says that lending them money could lead to anxiety about your relationship. She says to ask yourself: Does your partner use you as a bank? Will they start to dodge your calls when the time comes to recuperate?


It could lead to bad spending habits

Ashley Batz / Agitation

If you lend money to someone, i.e. your partner, especially more than once or if they tend to borrow a lot of money from people, you can bad spending habits without even realizing it.

“It may mean that you are in a relationship with someone where they think they can buy what they want,” David Bakke, personal finance expert at Money crashes, says Bustle. And that could set a bad precedent for the future. “They might assume that you will be there for them financially whenever they need help, ”says Bakke. “No one really wants to have this responsibility.


It can lower – or ruin – your credit score

Hannah Burton / Agitation

If you lend your partner more than a small amount of money and co-sign a purchase with them, it could negatively affect you down the line.

“If you co-sign a loan for them, like a student loan – the loan also shows up on your credit history, ”says Kantrowitz. “A co-signer is a co-borrower, also required to repay the debt, so their bad behavior can ruin your credit. “


It may not be in your budget and may cause additional financial stress

Andrew Zaeh for the commotion

Maybe at the moment you can afford to lend money to your loved one, but then next month you might have an unexpected debt to pay and suddenly yourself in financial trouble. “Never put yourself a strained financial situation to help someone else, ”says Hudson. “Don’t feel like you have to lend money to someone you love and care about – remember, it’s okay to say no.”

Instead, she suggests that you can volunteer your monetary knowledge to help them. implement a budget, a plan to pay off any debt and / or to accumulate more savings.


It could ruin your relationship

Andrew Zaeh for the commotion

The stress and tension of your partner owing you money can become so severe, this may cause you to break up. “Love can cloud your judgment in what should be strictly a business transaction,” Mark Kantrowitz, editor and vice president of research at Savingforcollege.com, says Bustle. “If your significant other is in default on the loan, it can ruin your relationship – you risk losing both your partner and your money.

Peter Yang, co-founder and CEO of Resume writing services, Okay. “You should never lend money to a loved one because there is an additional risk associated with this exchange compared to your average loan, ”he told Bustle. “Banks are constantly lending because they can afford to run the risk of never getting their money back. But when it comes to lending money yourself, you not only run the risk of never getting paid, but you also run the risk of damaging your relationship which is even more valuable than the silver.

Yang adds that it’s important to weigh the risk versus the reward in any financial decision you make. “In that case, it’s never worth lend money to your partner,” he says.


It can extend an already ended relationship

Ashley Batz / Agitation

You and your significant other can be about to break up, but it’s true, they still owe you an “x” amount of dollars. “Sometimes a significant other turns out not that important at all,” says Anastasio. “An outstanding loan can add restrictions to an otherwise amicable breakup or keep you connected to an ex you’d rather take out of your life. “

If you’re on the fence, Anastasio says to ask yourself: if you see your significant other as your partner, is it really a loan? “Whether you’ve been married for a decade or met only a few months ago, the strength of your relationship will determine how well you can resist the pressures and emotions associated with lending money, ”she says. “Partners are there to support you, and if they need financial help, you should view the loan as a gift, not expecting it to be paid back to you.”

All in all, there are plenty of reasons why you should think twice before lending your money.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here